Life, one day you are this carefree teenager fancying the lead singer of a band while on another you find yourself ducking the shells life throws at you. Yes, like it or not, life is as unpredictable as unpredictable can be. You never know what you end up as; even where or with whom. It’s like a ground full of tripwires; one misstep and nasty explosions become the order of the day. But what can you do? You've got to keep going for there’s just one way out. Forward.
Looking back, sometimes I wonder if I knew what I was getting into with Engineering. And I can honestly tell you that I never really did. I just went with the flow. How I wish I hadn't!
Truth be told all I want now is to be engrossed in books, reading and experiencing life from different perspectives. Yes, even if through fiction. And then of course, write. Basically do something, anything, related to stories and books. Is it too much to ask? I don’t say I’m very good at either but fond of those, I certainly am. That is supposed to count, right? Doing what we love is important, they say, so I want that and in the process, maybe, earn a living too. Working on excel sheets, testing applications or raising defects don’t really make the cut for me.
A switch of career paths seems to be the logical option then. Clearly. But it isn't that easy. Besides in India, it is looked upon cynically. In fact why only a change of streams, anyone who takes a break in between jobs usually ends up in the ‘not too keen’ list of perspective recruiters here. So what chance would I have? It is a big step, a huge change, anomaly even. What do I do then? Continue with this job that I don’t really like? It sure pays the bills and of course money is a huge factor here. But reality is I don’t particularly enjoy it. I just do what I do for the heck of doing it and the pay obviously.
Maybe I just need to be in it till the time is right to take the leap. What do you say? But would I be able to recognize ‘right time’ if it ends up staring at my face? Would I?
An incident with my colleague of how the gigantic egos of managers are more important than the hopes and aspirations of an employee makes me realize what a terrible hell hole I’m in. It makes me think if I really want to be part of this industry. But another voice inside me tells me that such morons are present everywhere. But still isn't it better to deal will them in a field that I rather enjoy?
I don’t know what point I’m trying to make here. Perhaps, I just need a change. I know though that it isn't that simple. So maybe I’m putting it out there in the universe for some clarity. Who knows I might actually gain some perspective in this process and end up with the answers to my questions? Possible?
Have you ever felt this way? If yes, what did you do?